Category: Mindfulness & ACT

One of the reasons we do not face our goals is because when we are faced with an unexpected barrier that we’re unsure how to deal with, we shut down. We become discouraged, we start making excuses, and we allow ourselves to back off of our original plan. While this is a human and natural tendency, it’s not conducive to success.

An important step that you can take to avoid this barrier blunder is that of carefully planning your goal to include backup plans for all those little “what ifs.”

“What if I don’t pass the prerequisite course?”

“What if I don’t get the loan?”

“What if I run out of time?”

“What if the marketing doesn’t work?”

“What if I just don’t feel like it?”

These are all very real barriers that keep us from realizing our life dreams. By planning for them, we greatly improve our chances of succeeding and experience the power of being unstoppable.

What kind of barriers can you pre-plan?

Internal Barriers

Internal barriers include the thoughts you have about your goal, success, and yourself that keep you from being successful. They include your personal fears, motivation, self-esteem, and paradigms.

“What if I just don’t feel like doing my assignment?”

Solution – commit to working on it for at least 15 minutes. Then take a break and come back to it later

“What if my fear of posting on social media keeps me from following through on my marketing campaign?”

Solution – have friends help like and share posts. It might not be so bad if you got some likes on there and grew your campaign that way.

“What if I find myself procrastinating?”

Solution – ask a friend to call or text me every day to remind me to spend a little time on my goal. Work on my goal first thing in the morning to get it done and over with.

External Barriers

External barriers include barriers such as money, time, other people’s reactions, resources, and results. We are not in direct control of them, but we can affect how they work and we can still plan around them.

“What if the client turns down my proposal?”

Solution – ask for feedback on how you did – ask questions to find out why, and you may get a chance to resubmit it.

“What if I forget the worksheets?”

Solution – always keep a soft copy easily available.

“What if what I ordered doesn’t come in on time?”

Solution – pad the timeline and notify the client of this possibility in advance. Realign timeline to work on other projects until your order comes in.

Practice this technique with even your small, short-term goals. It feels great to know that when a brick wall appears in your path, you have the perfect solution for getting around it and getting back on the road to achievement!

Have you ever felt as if you are beating your head against a wall?  You repeatedly try to reach a goal but you never seem to achieve it.  Instead you are struggling rather than moving forward and achieving your goals with grace and ease.You are not alone.  The struggle to move from what we don’t want to what we do want is, unfortunately, a fundamental struggle for many individuals.  Believe it or not, it is very common for people to struggle against what they want and to actively limit their good. In order to have what you want, you must be willing to end the struggle and move into action.  Your success is dependent on your ability to reach your goals and achieve.

Authenticity

The easiest way to move from “stuck” into action without struggle is to be authentic and to be in alignment with your authenticity.  Authenticity means that you are connected to your core and that your desires are a true reflection of your inner self and soul.

Alignment

Alignment means that your entire being is in agreement with the goal you want to achieve.  For example, you come home from work one evening and you are very tired.  But this evening is your work-out night.  You sit on the couch and actually have to talk yourself into getting into your gym clothes and heading off to the gym.  What you did in convincing part of yourself to go to the gym when it really wanted to rest on the couch is called alignment.  You got yourself into alignment with the idea and intention of going to the gym no matter how tired a part of you felt. To end struggle and successfully achieve goals, all parts of you must work together for manifestation.  That means all bodies, mental, physical, emotional and spiritual, must be in agreement concerning a goal.  There can be no doubts, limiting beliefs or attachments.  The following describes a process you can use to do an authenticity check concerning your goals and bring yourself into alignment with your goals.

Step One: Sit quietly – create a peaceful, serene and nurturing space for yourself.

It must be a space where you feel comfortable and secure.  Spend several minutes in quiet and inner reflection upon your goal.  Have paper and pen handy. Think about your values around achieving this goal. If your values and your goals line up, you are more likely to have committed action.

Step Two: The Workability/Authenticity Check

Ask within if this goal is the appropriate goal for you to achieve at this time. On a scale of 1-10, how workable is this goal at this time? Anything less than 7 means you need to re-think this goal.

By asking this question, you move from setting goals that are impossible to achieve. You can use this first goal as a stepping stone and revise as you go.

Step Three: Alignment

Once you have a defined and authentic goal, it is time to create alignment. Remain in your space of quiet and comfort; ask to speak to your mental body.  (You will repeat step Three with each of the bodies) Ask your mental body if it is willing to be in alignment with you goal.  The purpose of this question is to uncover any blocks or limitations that reside in the mental body concerning the goal. If the answer is yes, proceed to the next body: physical and emotional.

Ask questions of yourself

If the answer is no, simply begin a conversation with this part of you.  Some questions to begin with are:

Why are you not willing to be in alignment with this goal?
What would it take for you to be in alignment with this goal?

When a part is not willing to be in alignment with an authentic goal, the cause may be fear or insecurity.  Usually the situation is remedied by helping the part understand that it is taken care of, that it is safe and that it has nothing to fear.  Simply, have a conversation with the part and inform it of the truth. Affirm your alignment with this goal and your intention to manifest it.

By completing this process, you have created an authentic goal and brought yourself into full alignment with this goal.  You can now move forward without struggle because all blocks have been removed.

Use this process every time you are setting a big goal for yourself, and then invest in yourself to make sure that you are aware of all the barriers, and are in alignment with where you want to go.

Enjoy the process!

 

Are you struggling with the new ‘normal’? This is a challenging time for many people, and the effects of the situation we find ourselves in are not always easy to handle. There is no sure fire way to deal with everything smoothly and easily, each and every time, but there is a way for you to get the help that you might need.

The first step is to acknowledge what is going on and admit that this situation is overwhelming. Mental health is real, and given what we are all going through, there are options available to reach out to others to get the assistance you might need. Let’s focus on moving “beyond the label,” and ensuring that we come through this as best we can.

There are many ways to access this help. The National CARE Hotline : 6202-6868 is available 24 hours a day.

Other options include:

Mental Well-being
– Fei Yue’s Online Counselling Service (eC2.sg)
– Institute of Mental Health’s Mental Health Helpline (6389-2222)
– Samaritans of Singapore (1800-221-4444)
– Silver Ribbon Singapore (6385-3714)

Marital and parenting issues
– Community Psychology Hub’s Online Counselling platform (CPHOnlineCounselling.sg)

Violence or abuse
– Big Love Child Protection Specialist Centre (6445-0400)
– HEART @ Fei Yue Child Protection Specialist Centre (6819-9170)
– PAVE Integrated Services for Individual and Family Protection (6555-0390)
– Project StART (6476-1482)
– TRANS SAFE Centre (6449-9088)

Counselling
– TOUCHline (Counselling) – 1800 377 2252

For all other helplines
– Visit go.gov.sg/hotlines

Other strategies to consider include:

“Maintaining a strong social connection, either through social media, texts or calls, is as important as prioritising a healthy diet and sleep pattern,” SOS’ Mr Tan said. “This period is also an opportunity to catch up and engage in meaningful conversations with family members.” (CNA 15th April 2020)

As the Founder of The Conscious Zone, we also believe in strategies drawn from disciplines such as Mindfulness, and Acceptance and Commitment Training, to help bolster your mental wellbeing.

There is no shame in getting help when you need it. Remember the airline analogy, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help others. Do reach out to some of the avenues listed above if you need to! Take care and stay safe.

Mallika discusses how the uses the ACT Matrix to conduct Conflict Resolution meetings. Listen to this content: You can also find this content here (links open in new window): Listen on Spotify Listen on SoundCloud Listen on Google Podcasts See episode on Apple Podcasts  

The last few weeks, months and years have been filled with a multitude of challenges. There have been times when I have felt like I’m drowning under the weight of it all. In an attempt to be there for others, I started to take my own health and well-being for granted. I was meditating regularly which helped immensely but was neglecting some other parts of myself. I started eating foods which I know do not agree with me, and that triggered a series of health complaints – I was in pain and had headaches. Do I know better? Of course! We probably all know what we should be doing, but sometimes we choose to ignore our inner awareness. So, a couple of weeks ago, I decided that I really did know better and engaged in my own “Self-Care Plan”. I implemented some exercise, became mindful about what I was eating, re-started my yoga practice and introduced more frequent mindful breaks in the day. Has that helped? Absolutely. But it took prioritizing myself to do that. In our society, we think that prioritizing self-care is selfish. That we should constantly be giving – whether it’s to our jobs, friends, family or even Netflix! We need to constantly remind ourselves that without taking care of our own well-being, there will come a time when we can’t give to others. When we are so depleted that it takes a health emergency to wake us up. Don’t wait till then. As flight crew always tell you: Put your oxygen mask on first, because if you run out of oxygen, you can’t help anyone else. When you run low, stress, fatigue, overwhelm, depressive thoughts, anxiety and other mental health issues all become exacerbated. Schedule time to recharge and regroup everyday. Some suggestions include: Mindful pauses and meditationExerciseGo for a walk in natureSchedule time for a catch up with a friendWrite in a journalThink of 3 things you are grateful for each day (more if you can!) What other things do you do to take care of yourself?

Mallika Kripalani asking the panel about education of the future (starting at approx 32 minutes)

ASEAN Foresight Episode 3

Mallika shares her thoughts on entrepreneurship for women at an International Women’s Day Event (2018) at Facebook  #shemeansbusiness Facebook : Advice to inspire